Carol ItohASK MAMABOOP
September 18th 2008 04:53
Question:
My friend’s husband is best friends with my husband and the only reason I am friends with her is because they were friends to begin with. But over the past 5 years we have become good friends. I know if I tell her my husband will probably not speak to me for getting into their business. But I can’t stand to see him act as if nothing ever happened, and she goes about blind to the fact that her husband is scum.
Answer:
This happened to me a few months ago. A friend of mine found out that the husband of another of my friends was cheating on her. My first thought was to call her up and tell her point blank. But other friends of ours said not to, because the wife doesn't work and they have two small babies, and if she left him she wouldn't be able to care for the children. They also said she probably knew but didn't want to discuss it with anyone because she was embarrassed.
So I never said anything to her, and now the friend that knew the husband doesn't come contact with him anymore so I don't know if the situation is ongoing. (He had several different women, at least one underage; during the few months my other friend was able to track it.)
I wanted to figure out a way to tell her without telling her it was ME telling her...does that make any sense? I thought about setting up a fake email account and sending her the information my other friend had, but then why would she believe any of it? Or even open it. Every subject I thought of sounded like spam--Your husband is cheating on you. Proof that your husband is cheating on you. Your husband is a dog and he's dipping his wick into a teenage girl. They all sound fake, you know?
But my knowing, and not telling her, has impacted our friendship. I feel funny when I go places with her, so I don't want to. If I see her husband when I go over there, I want to choke him.
I still think my impulse to tell was the right one. I had someone tell me they thought my husband was cheating on me because he was in a town we normally don't go to, eating in a restaurant with a woman he was clearly very close to, sharing a plate and drinking from the same glass, all that. I'm sure it looked incriminating but it was his sister, and they are very close and that's how they are. It could be mistaken for romance if you didn't know them (and didn't realize how much they look alike!). I was grateful the person cared enough to say something, but I already knew he was out with his sister that night.
I'd rather be told and have the teller be wrong than vice versa. That's just me, though.
My friend’s husband is best friends with my husband and the only reason I am friends with her is because they were friends to begin with. But over the past 5 years we have become good friends. I know if I tell her my husband will probably not speak to me for getting into their business. But I can’t stand to see him act as if nothing ever happened, and she goes about blind to the fact that her husband is scum.
Answer:
This happened to me a few months ago. A friend of mine found out that the husband of another of my friends was cheating on her. My first thought was to call her up and tell her point blank. But other friends of ours said not to, because the wife doesn't work and they have two small babies, and if she left him she wouldn't be able to care for the children. They also said she probably knew but didn't want to discuss it with anyone because she was embarrassed.
Embrace
I wanted to figure out a way to tell her without telling her it was ME telling her...does that make any sense? I thought about setting up a fake email account and sending her the information my other friend had, but then why would she believe any of it? Or even open it. Every subject I thought of sounded like spam--Your husband is cheating on you. Proof that your husband is cheating on you. Your husband is a dog and he's dipping his wick into a teenage girl. They all sound fake, you know?
I still think my impulse to tell was the right one. I had someone tell me they thought my husband was cheating on me because he was in a town we normally don't go to, eating in a restaurant with a woman he was clearly very close to, sharing a plate and drinking from the same glass, all that. I'm sure it looked incriminating but it was his sister, and they are very close and that's how they are. It could be mistaken for romance if you didn't know them (and didn't realize how much they look alike!). I was grateful the person cared enough to say something, but I already knew he was out with his sister that night.
I'd rather be told and have the teller be wrong than vice versa. That's just me, though.
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